Bitter Toward God

"I thought you promised to shield your Children from much of the world’s pain and suffering. So where are you?"

That bitter thought in various forms, aimed at God’s seeming failure to shield us, kept churning in my mind and heart as I lay sleepless in bed. My husband and I were young with two small children, trying to survive life’s pitfalls with no one to counsel or encourage us. I was feeling very alone and overwhelmed as we faced seemingly endless troubles.

I was griping up a storm of bitterness toward God in my heart, accusing him of not protecting us as promised when I heard a voice, somehow hearing it, yet not with my ears. It was only three questioning words:

“Oh? Don’t I?”

I then felt something lift from me, and I saw myself drifting along in an unseen current, feeling helpless with no hope, deep despair like never before seemed to surround me. All around me was colorless and the atmosphere was various shades of darkness and greys – empty of life.

Suddenly, I found myself having tormented thoughts like, “What’s the use? I might as well kill myself!” Those words and feeling seemed to shock me back to a realization this is what it’s like to be without the TLC of our life-giving God. I immediately felt contrite and repented, groaning, “Oh God! I’m so sorry!” for I now knew my daily troubles were nothing to what life would be without Him.

Looking up, I saw a soft blanket wafting down, then felt it invisibly settle over me.  Decades later I realized that God had allowed me to see and experience the lifting and covering of His Grace that’s truly a Shield from much of this world’s suffering.

I’m now sharing my personal experience with you, so you too can be assured of God’s special covering and shield of Grace.

“(God’s) way is perfect; The word of the LORD is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.” 2 Samuel 22:31 NKJV